Sibling Rivalry : Why Occurs & How To Manage It.
Dr Anshul Mahajan
Sibling rivalry is the competition between brothers and sisters for their parents' attention. Sometimes children worry when they have to share their parents' attention. So, it is very normal and natural for children to feel jealous at times. Sibling rivalry is more common with brothers and sisters of the same sex. When children in the family are close in age, less than 2 years apart, sibling rivalry is more likely to occur. It occurs among children of all ages.
Signs of Sibling Rivalry
Children under 9 years of age may show these signs:
• Fighting (verbal or physical attacks)
• Frustration
• Demanding attention
• "Tattling"
• Regressive acts such as bed-wetting, baby talk, thumb sucking, temper tantrums
Older Children May Show These Signs:
• Constant arguing
• Competing for friends, grades or in sports
• Taking out their frustration on objects, pets or other people
Reactions to a New Baby
A common cause of sibling rivalry is a new baby in the family. When the baby comes home, other children may:
• Show anger toward the baby (hitting, kicking, punching, biting)
• Ask for the baby to go back in mother's tummy or back to the hospital
• Demand more attention when the parent is with the baby
Ways to help your child adjust to a new baby
• Remind each child often that he or she is loved. Let your children know you respect all their feelings, even the angry thoughts.
• Involve your children in getting ready for the new baby to come home.
• Tell older children early about your pregnancy to give them more time to prepare.
• If an older child has to move to a new room, make the move early.
• Let the older child "help" with baby's care and be sure to give lots of praise. But, never leave the baby alone with a toddler.
• Try to work with a toddler on new skills such as toilet training, before the new baby is born. If this cannot be done, wait a few months after the baby’s birth.
• If possible, space your children 2 to 3 years apart.
• If children continue to have problems adjusting, think about getting professional counselling.
How to Manage Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is not all bad. In fact, it can be helpful because it can teach children how to solve problems. Parents should not get too involved in their children's arguments. Parents cannot force children to get along but they can teach them problem-solving skills and cooperation.
Here are some ways to manage sibling rivalry:
• Be a role model to teach your child positive problem-solving skills.
• Do not criticize if your child starts acting like a baby again. This will pass as he gets older and begins to accept the new baby.
• Praise your children to build their self-confidence.
• Listen to your children’s needs.
• Spend time with your children to reassure them that they are loved.
• Avoid situations that may lead to jealousy.
• Do not "play favourites." Be fair and consistent.
• Do not compare one child to another.
• If the arguing or "acting out" gets to be too much, give yourself a "time out" and get away from the situation.
For More Help
Contact Manas Hospital Ludhiana or call 0161-4084555