Anger : A Normal & Natural Emotion .
All human beings experience anger. Anger is a normal, natural emotion which helps us recognise that we, or people and things we care about, are being treated badly. It is a hostility which we can feel towards people, but also towards animals and inert objects.
Anger can be an urgent feeling, which can arise quickly and which feels it demands us to act, or a slow burn which constantly affects our thoughts. It is often physically as well as emotionally uncomfortable, as it has physical as well as psychological components.
Anger can be good if it helps you right wrongs, deal with problems and express negative feelings. However, it can also be bad, as it can be harmful both to you and to others, damaging relationships and affecting your ability to succeed as you hope.
The way we manage anger is something learned through life, and is affected by our experiences. However, human beings are constantly capable of learning better strategies to deal with anger, to use anger more positively and to both recognise and avoid, its possible harmful effects.
Anger management techniques involve helping you manage and disperse your anger when it takes hold of you and might otherwise make you act rashly or harmfully. There are many techniques.
• Some are aimed at helping you to stop and think before you act.
• Some are aimed at using and therefore dispersing the surge of adrenaline that goes with your anger.
• Some are aimed particularly at young people and children, others work for all ages.
• Different techniques will work better for different people.
Counting
Counting gives you time to cool down, so you can think more clearly and let your first impulse to react pass. Impulses are urges to act without thinking. Sometimes - for instance if you are a combat soldier - you need to be trained to act without thinking first. If you know your life is at risk then there may not be time to think. However, in civilian life there is usually time to think, and the end result of most things is better if you think before you react.
Breathing slowly
Take even breaths. Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, and relax as you breathe out. You automatically breathe in more than out when you're feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in, which will calm you down.
Sometimes, anger can lead to hyperventilation. This is the very opposite of calming breathing - ie when we hyperventilate, we breathe too deeply and too much and, as a result, feel increasingly anxious and unwell. For more information on hyperventilation, see the separate leaflet called Dealing with Breathing Problems.
Attending classes involving learned techniques like yoga and meditation can also help your ability to use breathing techniques to calm you down.
Time out
A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to find solutions. If you are involved in an argument and you feel anger taking over, suggest that you both take five minutes, perhaps have a glass of water or a cup of tea, and then talk.
During the time out, step back from the situation. Is the argument over something trivial or something huge? If you are on two completely opposite sides can you imagine any middle ground you can accept?
Do you want to stay angry with this person. If not, be prepared to tell them that you don't like feeling angry and would like to find a solution if they would too. It doesn't mean you have to give in - you may still have to agree to differ, but without anger.
Exercise
When you are angry you are full of adrenaline. Physical activity can help disperse this, and will reduce the stress that can cause you to become angry.
If you feel your anger building up, go for a brisk walk or even a run or a swim. Maybe the person with whom you are angry could do the same.
If you are involved in an argument consider taking tame out and using that for a short walk or run.
Generally, increasing your exercise levels on a regular basis will tend to defuse the adrenaline that keeps you angry, and will help you feel less angry in the long term. Some successful athletes say that they took up sport to help channel their anger as teenagers.
However, if you feel your anger is, or is at risk of, harming you or others, then consider seeking help through anger management counselling, which will help you understand the source of your anger and to put these, and other, strategies into practice.
- Dr. Anshul Mahajan